Fed Up

Well, I went Latin Dancing again last night. And guess what? It sucked... again! We were up there in time for the lesson, and the guy I danced with for that mostly knew what he was doing, so that was fun. I was all pumped and ready for a night of fun. And then the actual dance started. And I just stood there dancing by myself. Shaina was asked to dance over and over. And I just stood there dancing by myself. I tried to not let it get to me, but that wasn't easy. No, it wasn't easy at all. I'm so sick and tired of playing this game! Eventually, around 11:00, Kyle came over and was like, "You can't dance by yourself! Why are you dancing alone?" I told him, "'Cause the boys are stupid." He basically ignored that comment, and pulled me onto the dance floor. That was fun. But after that, I'd had it. I couldn't stand there alone anymore, so I left. I went to our sisters' apartment because they had a million people over and that was definitely a better alternative to coming home by myself. Shilo asked me if I had a good time (he's one of the guys who asked me last week what was wrong) and I told him that it was even worse than last week. I'm just so fed up with this! I don't understand why my dating life has to be this way. Or lack of dating life would be a better way to put it. Because honestly, the last date I went on was a joke. Big time. That's not the dating memory I want to take with me on my mission, but with the way my life is, it's looking more and more like that's what it's going to be. I say that it doesn't bother me that I don't get asked on dates or even to dance when I go... but it does. It hurts so much! I just... I don't know. I'd just like to know what it's like to have a guy show a little bit of interest in me. I just want to go on a date. Is that so much to ask? Really, I'm not very high maintenance. A date doesn't have to be expensive for me to have a good time. I'd be totally fine doing something that doesn't cost any money at all! I don't think that guys understand how bad it hurts when girls don't get asked out... especially if we show interest. That just scares the guys away, which hurts worse. To make matters worse and complicate things, there's a guy I'm starting to like. We're pretty good friends, and he spends a fair amount of time over here. In the past week, I've started to like him. What is my problem?! I haven't liked anyone since I got over the last jerk 4 months ago. I decided to go on a mission and I was fine that I wasn't dating. Now, I start my papers in 3 days and I really like this guy. Of course none of my roommates know. I don't really want people to know. I've been anti-boy for 4 months, I can't suddenly start wanting to date! This guy is one of our good friends, and the other night he asked us for suggestions of who he should ask out. I wanted to say, "ME!" but bit my lip and kept quiet. That would have been awkward. I was texting Jill last night complaining about how lame dancing was and was like, "I just want to go on a real date. You know how last night he was asking for girls he should ask out? I wanted to say, 'me.'" She was like, "I bet he would." I told her she should suggest it to him, so we'll see what happens. Of course, last night we went on a Denny's Run. Or should I say this morning? We left here around 2:30 and got back at 4:30. Anyway, this guy went with us, and rode down in my car. I ended up sitting next to him there too. While we were eating, he was like, "I should find a girl to come on a date at 2:00 in the morning on a Wednesday night." I opened my mouth, and before I could stop myself, the words "I'd come with you. I don't have class until after noon on Thursdays." popped out of my mouth. Oops. That shouldn't have shot out there. There I go speaking before I think again. I tried to correct it by saying, "You'd need to ask a girl with a car you know." I hope he didn't catch on that I like him. That would be awkward. But really, I'd love to go on a date with him, and at 2:00 in the morning breaking the rules, it would just be that much more fun, would it not?