So all semester long my roommates have asked me on Tuesdays and
Thursdays why I don't take off my teacher name tag when I get home from
my practicum. And all semester long I've told them that it's just easier
to not take it off. But really, how hard is it to take off a magnet and
set it on your dresser? Yeah...not hard at all. Anyway, I was thinking
earlier this week when I happened to look over and see my missionary
name tag hanging from my lamp and then looked down and saw my teacher
name tag on my blouse. It's funny how connected you get to something and
not even realize it. I realized this week that the reason I don't take
off my teacher name tag is because I miss having that missionary name
tag in place. Like really though...it's been over 9 months since I had
to take off my missionary tag, and for 9 months I have longed to be able
to put it back on. Being back in the classroom helps, at least a little
bit, to fill that void that I have felt. And putting on my teacher name
tag is like a burst of fresh air. It helps to fill that little hole
where my missionary name tag once sat. Granted, nothing will ever be
able to fully replace my missionary name tag and the calling it
represented, but for now as I am moving on with my life, putting on my
teacher name tag and going into the classroom to teach helps me remember
my purpose and what my goals are.
Today was a good day. No...let me rephrase that. Today was a GREAT day! But before I tell you about today, I'm going to back up and tell you about the past few weeks. I'm the Ward Choir Director this semester, so within the first few weeks of the semester, I had to go to a stake-wide training for music people. While there, we practiced the song that the stake choir was going to sing in Stake Conference. We practiced with the piano...and then they asked the girl who played the piano if she knows how to play the organ. Well, she didn't and so they asked for a volunteer. Before it registered in my head what I was doing, my hand was in the air volunteering to play the song in Stake Conference. On the organ. LaKesha turned to me and was like "You don't play the organ." To which I replied, "Well I guess I do now." Over the past 3 weeks I have spent countless hours practicing the organ. We sang Mack Wilberg's arrangement of "I Believe in Christ." (Click on title to see the MoTab perform the very song that I had to learn.) The words "arranged by Mack Wilberg" are kind of scary...it means that the song is gonna be intense. And it was. I practiced, and I practiced, and I practiced. I made special trips to IF just so I could practice the organ. I didn't know why I volunteered...because I didn't know how to play the organ. At the first choir practice, I just played on the piano because there was no organ. That was okay. I could handle that...after 2 weeks of constant practice. It was by no means perfect...and didn't have my feet playing their part either. But I knew that I had two more weeks to be able to get it down. I had one of my FHE brothers give me a blessing
Last Sunday, we had another choir practice. This time with the organ. To say that I screwed up is an understatement. I slaughtered the song. Absolutely slaughtered it. I fought back tears. After the choir practice, one of the sisters in the stake who's over the music asked me if I was sure I would be able to get it by today. Ouch. I came home and sobbed. I didn't know if I would be able to do it. On Monday, I had Dad give me a blessing, and that helped to calm my fears, and gave me the confidence I needed to be able to play it in Conference today. I spent hours practicing. Hours and hours and hours.
Last night, we had practice after the evening meeting. As I sat at the organ and perfectly played the part that I've screwed up every other time that I've played that song, I had to fight back my tears. I couldn't believe it...I'd done it! I had learned that song! But not only that, I had proven to myself that I really can play the organ. I was on cloud 9. Skip, the choir director, looked at me amazed. I can only imagine the look of shock that I had on my face. That was the first time I'd actually been able to play that song without mistakes. He told me that he didn't envy me at all...while everyone would see him, they would HEAR me. "No pressure or anything," he told me.
Well, last night I prayed hard. This morning I prayed hard. During practice, I prayed hard. And while we performed the song, well, I prayed hard. And I felt others praying for me as well. I messed up a couple of times...but I think that I'm probably the only person who knew it. In four weeks, I went from not being able to play the organ at all, but not only that--telling myself that I couldn't play the organ...or the piano for that matter--to being able to play the organ. Four weeks ago, the only way I could play that song was with the bass coupler and using my hands for as many of the foot notes that I could. Today, I'm pleased to announce that every single note that is supposed to be played with the feet, was played with my feet. I have proved to myself that I can play the organ. Okay, and I admit...four weeks ago, I wouldn't have even attempted a song like that on the piano. Let alone the organ.
I have such a strong testimony of my Savior and everything that He has done for me. I know without a doubt that He was there helping me today. Four weeks ago when I volunteered to play the organ, I didn't know why I did. I just knew that I did. And i had a feeling that there was a reason. Today, I have a much clearer picture of what that reason is. I have been able to gain the confidence in myself to play the piano. To play the organ. And to arrange songs (but that is another story for another day.) Todays' message is that I believe in Christ! I know that He is my Savior. I know that He loves me. And I know that He is with me every step of the way, guiding my path.
I can't say it enough! I just love my roommates! Sure, we've had our rocky points...but in the long run it is the rocky points that give us the opportunity to grow closer together. I truly have some of the best roommates, and feel so blessed to be in this apartment this semester. At the end of last semester, I felt the Holy Ghost's sweet confirmation that this set of roommates that I was going to have this semester was for a reason. We got a rocky start...and it's partly my fault. But tonight, we were able to open up and the Spirit is definitely here in my apartment. And i am getting a better idea of why we are all together now.
This is my last semester at BYU-Idaho. It's the same for my roommate Carlee. We're both freaking out because we're not ready to grow up yet! We're not ready to graduate. We're not ready to leave BYU-Idaho...but let's be honest...I'm 99% positive that both of us are more than ready to not have to go through another Rexburg winter. Come on. Anyway, we both wanted to go out on a good note. And were really looking forward to our roommates and the whole set of memories that we still have to make before we leave Rexburg. We just want what is best for all involved. And I think that I speak for both of us when I say that, because of increased communication, we truly have the best apartment of roommates in all of Rexburg. Because it's true.
The other 4 roommates, Kesha, Kelsey, Caitlin, and Mary all still have lots of time here at BYU-Idaho. Quite frankly, I'm jealous of them because they have so much time left here. My advice to them: Treasure it, because it will go all too fast. If you don't believe me, wait a few years until you're on the doorstep of graduation and look back on today. It will seem like just yesterday that you started college. But that's not the point. The point is that we all wanted a good apartment...and we've got it. We must be doing something right...because I sure don't deserve the roommates that I've got.
This is a tribute to you girls! And it's because I love you! We are all so different, and yet so alike. Isn't it great? We all have something to contribute to the others and something to learn from the others in our apartment. What a blessing we have to be right here, right now.
Carlee, when we moved in last semester, about the only thing we had in common was...well...the fact that we were both close to graduation. And the minor detail that we're old. (At least compared to the other ladies who we get to rub shoulders with every day.) But the more time we've spent together, the more I have come to realize that we really do have in common. We both love to have fun. We love to laugh. When our sleep gets interrupted, we tend to get...a little testy (is that a good way to put it?) We love being with people. And we're ready to be done with school (but so not at the same time, and the real-life looming in the near future scares the crap out of us).
Kels, I knew you were crazy from the moment I met you. And I liked it! You're a country girl. I may not have grown up in the country, but I'm an Idaho girl, and I'm not ashamed at the fact that I grew up with a potato field less than a football field's distance from my house! Like me, you're trying to juggle school and work and still find time to squeeze in a social life and fun every once in a while. It's not easy...and sometimes that social-ness requires that we lose a bit of sleep...but we always laugh about it for days after.
Cait, I've learned more about you this week than I ever imagined I would ('nuff said. If you live here, you know what I'm talking about. If you don't...get over it). You are hilarious! And I love it! All it took was a little bit of time to get you to warm up to us and a couple of late nights. And you probably hate us, because 9 times out of 10 you are the one we jump out at in the bathroom as you're trying to unwind for the day. But look at the memories we've created.
Kesha, You're my sister. I have to like living with you. ...but really...I do. It's been so much fun, and I am so grateful for this time to be able to spend just us. It's been a lot of fun, and the friendship we already had has grown so much stronger. Forever. For always. No matter what. Because we're sisters!
And last, but certainly not least...Mary. You are amazing. I loved seeing you last semester, because you never didn't have a smile on your face (...er...if that double-negative made sense...Basically...I love the fact that you're always smiling!) It always makes the day go better when one smiles. And smiles are contagious! I was excited to be able to get to know you better this semester, and am so grateful that we still have 8 more weeks to be able to do so. I'm here for ya! I want what's best for you. And any time you need to talk, you know where to find me.
Basically, I just have to express to the world how blessed I am. I could go into so much more detail...but let's be honest. No one wants to read my ramblings anyway. I just want y'all to know that I love your guts!
PS~ Roomies...we have no pictures of all of us together. We need to change that, ASAP!!
Okay...to preface this, about 2 months ago, I was randomly contacted by a woman who is an artist. She was wanting to do a painting of missionary shoes, and wanted to use my shoes for her project. I sent them to her, along with this story that I wrote. It's a little long, but so perfectly emphasizes how I feel about my mission. It's been almost 3 years since I decided to go, 2 1/2 years (tomorrow) since I got my call, just over 27 months since I left, and in one week it will be 10 months since I got home. I think of the mission every day, and miss it dearly. I just got her e-mail with copies of the finished product, which I am including, along with my shoes' story.
There we were, one spring day
sitting all nice and comfortable in our box. We still smelled like new leather
and were perfectly content. Then, without warning, our box was opened and a
young woman took us out and put us on. She kind of stuck her nose up when she
saw us on her feet, because she was used to the cute flats and heels that she
always wore. “But,” she said, “I’m going to need a pair of comfortable shoes so
I can go out and do my best work.” “Perfect,” we thought, “We’re going to be
used as work shoes. That is our worst nightmare!”
young woman took us home, and started wearing us wherever she went. She said it
was because she didn’t want to get blisters when she got on her mission. But
what did that mean? What is a mission? We were soon going to find out. She also
took great care to polish us, and condition the leather so we would always look
our very best. We could tell that, even though she didn’t particularly care for
the way we looked, she loved us and would always care for us.
the day finally came when we would learn what a mission was. Early one July
morning, long before the sun rose, the young woman arose and reverently slipped
us on as she walked out the door. This was the day when she would leave
everything behind for a time to go be a missionary. A few hours later, the
young woman tearfully said goodbye to her family. She stepped out of the car
and gave them all a hug, and then, we were all alone. Everyone started calling the
young woman who wore us “Hermana.” What did that mean? We later learned that it
meant that she was a missionary.
two months, she walked around a campus with us on her feet. She sat in a
classroom where the teachers would say things that Hermana didn’t always
understand. As soon as she got back to her room at night, Hermana would kick us
off of her feet…not because she didn’t love us, but because she was tired and
ready to go to bed. But regularly, Hermana would take care to polish us and
always make sure that we looked our very best. Finally, one night, Hermana
pulled out our polish and made us shine! As she talked with the others, who
were also called Hermana, we found out that we would soon be leaving this place
for “the field.” Where was this field?
the next morning, Hermana quietly slipped us onto her feet and walked out into
the dark and walked across the campus one last time. She climbed onto a bus with
many other people, all of whom seemed nervous, and a little excited. A few
hours later, we were stepping off of an airplane (we learned that Hermana
didn’t much care for airplanes) into a strange place. We found out that this
place was New Mexico, and where we would be spending the next while. It was
hot! Hermana had some meetings, then we went outside and visited several
people. Lots of them didn’t seem very happy to see Hermana and the others she
was with. It made us sad, yet she still seemed to be happy, even though it was
so hot outside
soon learned that this is what missionary work was. Hermana did lots of walking
in the hot sun, down dusty roads. We got very dirty. It was nothing like our
nice, comfortable box that had long since been left behind. But, every night,
before she went to bed, Hermana made sure that she at least dusted us off so
that we looked clean, and she polished us before she went to church each Sunday
so we would look our very best.
We had a lot of adventures with Hermana. She spent her days
walking along the streets of various towns. Areas, we think she called them.
She spent different amounts of time in each area; some long periods of time and
others short periods of time. But Hermana always seemed happy.
Hermana did something really silly one morning. It was a day
that they went to church. Hermana and her companion were running a bit late, so
she hurriedly grabbed 2 shoes out of the closet and ran to the car. When she
got out of the car, she looked down and realized that she only had one of us
on. On her other foot she had one of our friends, but that friend was a brown
shoe. Hermana was mortified that she had to go all day wearing two different
colored shoes. But we thought it was funny.
Another day, we walked to a woman’s house to go visit her.
It wasn’t a very long walk, but it was down a dirt road. Hermana and her
companions had a nice visit with the woman, and when they got ready to leave,
the nice woman asked Hermana and her companions if they would like a bottle of
water for the walk. They asked her how she knew that they were walking. She
told them it was because their shoes were filthy! We already knew that we were dirty, but
Hermana and her companions were kind of embarrassed that someone had noticed
their dirty shoes. If we remember correctly, we got a nice polishing that
We still remember one night that was kind of scary. It was
late at night, and kind of cold. Hermana had thought about wearing her boots
that morning, but decided that it would be more comfortable to put us on
instead. We wish she had put on her boots because of what happened. Hermana and
her companions were going to visit a family. They didn’t usually go to this
house after dark, because they had a big, scary dog. But, Hermana called the
family and asked them to make sure the dog was locked up so they could go in.
When the family told them the dog was locked up, Hermana’s companions walked in
the gate and up the stairs. Hermana was last, so she shut the gate. As she was
walking up the stairs, something so scary happened! The dog somehow got out and
started running toward Hermana. Being nothing more than a pair of shoes, we couldn’t
warn her, and the dog jumped on her and bit her leg! Hermana was so brave! It
must have hurt when that big dog bit her and ripped a piece out of her leg, but
all that Hermana said was that she would have been really mad if the dog had
ripped her skirt. She was so forgiving to that dog!
Shortly after that event, Hermana told her companions about
something that her family does for Christmas each year. Each year they take a
picture of their shoes under the Christmas tree so they can see how much each
person has grown each year. Hermana thought that would be fun to do to see how
her shoes look with her companions’ shoes each year, so we took a picture. We
looked so pretty underneath the tree, freshly polished, with Hermana’s name tag
lying on top of us. One Sunday morning, Hermana and her companions woke up
super excited. We weren’t quite sure why, but we could tell it was going to be
an extra-special day. They went to church, but it wasn’t where they usually had
church. And there were a lot more people in that meeting than were usually at
church. When we got to the meeting, we found out that it was because a new
branch was going to be created. We had learned that a branch is an organization
of the church in the geographical area. But this branch was special, because it
was the first one for people who speak Spanish in that area. There were a lot
of people who were so happy and who felt that this was such a special blessing.
Not very long after that special day, Hermana received a
call that she was going to be transferred to a new area. She seemed sad to be
leaving. We had been here in the same place for a long time, and she loved so
many of the people. The days before she left were spent saying goodbye. It was
hard for her to make those visits and say goodbye. But, she did seem excited
for her next adventure. We could tell that she felt at peace with this
transfer. On the day that she was transferred, she drove to Colorado. Hermana
said that it reminded her a lot of home,
because there were lots of farms and mountains. She was happy to be there and
to meet new people.
In this area, Hermana did lots of walking in trailer parks.
She seemed to enjoy that. She always had a smile on her face as she talked to
these people who she said were so sweet. Of course, walking in the trailer
parks that just had dirt roads, we got really dirty, but we didn’t mind
anymore. We had learned that missionary work is so important to Hermana, so we
are more than happy to help. After Hermana was in Colorado, she went to Santa
Fe. It was really pretty and green in Santa Fe. Just a few days after we got
there it was Hermana’s birthday. Her mom sent her a pretty new skirt. There was
a special meeting for the missionaries that day. Hermana played the piano for
that meeting and it sounded so pretty. After the meeting, Hermana and her
companion walked and visited more people to share the special message that they
have about Christ. It was sad that more people didn’t want to listen.
Hermana didn’t stay in Santa Fe for very long—only one
transfer. She got a phone call early one Saturday morning telling her that she
would be leaving the following Tuesday to go to El Paso and train a new
missionary who was coming. We remember that she was very scared. And she was
sad. All day long people kept asking her if she was okay because she looked
sad, but she couldn’t tell anyone that she was leaving yet. That night, Hermana
and her companion went to a baptism of some people they taught. Hermana played
the piano, and it was hard for her to not cry. But she didn’t want the people
to know there was anything wrong when she gave the talk that the sisters being
baptized asked her to give.
Hermana was scared to go to El Paso. It wasn’t because of
the location, but rather the fact that she didn’t know anything about the area
and that she would have a brand new missionary to teach. But she decided that
she was going to be happy and go out and work as always. The first day that
Hermana and her new companion went out to talk to people it was so hot! And
there weren’t very many people at home. Hermana and her new companion were a
little down, but they soon found lots of people to teach and lots of work to
There were lots of cockroaches in the apartment where
Hermana lived in El Paso. She and her companions just laughed at that…after
they got used to the idea that there were cockroaches. They kept a can of Raid
close so they could kill the cockroaches. One day, Hermana opened a door and
one fell on her head. It startled her, but it made her laugh. That was another
experience that they were able to add to their list of “cockroach encounters.”
Hermana really loved her time in El Paso. She was able to
train another missionary during that time. This new missionary had so much
energy. Hermana kept saying that it was a good thing, because her time as a
missionary was growing short and it kept her feeling young. Hermana and this
new missionary were able to visit and help lots of people learn about the
Savior. It made her so happy to be able to share that message with people.
When the call came with news of where the missionaries would
be for Hermana’s last transfer, she and her companion were surprised to learn
that they would have a third companion. Hermana was excited! This would mean
three missionaries at Christmas again, and three pair of shoes in front of the
Christmas tree. Speaking of shoes in front of the Christmas tree…Hermana didn’t
realize until she placed us underneath the tree next to the shoes of her
companions how beat up we were starting to look. During her mission, she tried
really hard to take good care of us. But when you’re out working as hard as she
was, you can’t expect shoes to stay looking new. And you know, we couldn’t be happier
to have had this opportunity to help her with her work, even if it does mean
that we don’t look very pretty anymore.
Right after New Years, all of the sister missionaries went
to Albuquerque for a special conference. Hermana was so excited to go and be
able to see her missionary friends before she went home. She was able to take
pictures with all of them and remember some good times they all had. But
Hermana was sad. It was the last time she would see most of them as a
missionary. And she was asked to share her departing testimony with the other
sisters. That made her cry as she remembered all of the wonderful experiences
that she had while she was on her mission.
The next night, Hermana got a letter from the mission
office. As soon as she saw what it was she started to cry. It was what she
called her “trunky papers.” Her flight plans and instructions for going home
were in the envelope. She said that it really hit her that the end was near
when she opened that envelope. Her companions both took her in their arms and
hugged her. Hermana was really grateful for them and their love.
The next week, just one week before Hermana was supposed to
go home, she and her companions were at the church one night when their phone
rang. It was the mission president. He told Hermana that another sister had
been attacked by a dog, and that he wanted her to leave her area a week early
and go help that sister’s companion work again. Hermana was shocked. She
hurried to say goodbye to a few people before they had to be in for the night.
When she got home, Hermana started to pack. She was very sad. And scared. But
she said that she felt peace.
On the last Saturday of Hermana’s mission, she went out with
the sister she was with and had one last day of walking and knocking on doors.
Hermana said that she felt like she had
to talk to as many people as she could and share the message because she didn’t
have much time left as a missionary. That made her really sad. The night before
she left to return to Albuquerque, the other missionaries let her share the
last message. It meant a lot to her to be able to share that message—one last
message as a missionary. She had tears in her eyes, but a smile on her face as
she shared her testimony of the Savior.
Finally, the day that Hermana thought would never come came.
It was the day that she would go home. She was sad to be leaving the mission,
that she wasn’t going to be a missionary any more. But she was so excited to
see her family again. 18 months is a very long time to not see your family. As
she said goodbye to her mission president, she turned around with a smile on
her face knowing that she did all that she could. And she got on the airplane
with the other missionaries. They all were so excited, looking out the windows.
Hermana had a huge smile on her face. When they got to Salt Lake, Hermana said
goodbye to all of the missionaries. Some of them were done with their trip,
others had different flights to catch. But Hermana was all alone for the first
time in 18 months. She tried to smile, but it was hard. It was really weird to
be completely alone. When she got to where she was going to wait for her plane,
she turned around and saw the familiar face of her Stake President from home.
She was so happy to see him and to not be alone. That made her feel more
comfortable. She talked to him until it was time to get on her plane to go
We will never forget that last flight. Hermana was so
excited that her legs were bouncing up and down the whole way. That made us feel
kind of dizzy. As they got closer to
home, Hermana leaned toward the window and looked out at the things that were
so familiar to her. She whispered over and over to herself, “I’m home!” The
plane couldn’t land fast enough for Hermana. As soon as she could stand up, she
grabbed her coat and her bag, and silently pleaded for the other people to move
faster. Finally, she was able to get off of the plane. She walked as fast as
she could to the escalators. She took a deep breath, and looked down. At the
bottom of the escalator and through a glass door was her family waiting.
Hermana started to cry. It was so good for her to see them again. As she got to
the bottom of the escalator, Hermana started to run. She was pulling a suitcase
behind her, and it wobbled and thumped down the last few steps. But Hermana
didn’t care. As soon as she got to her mother, she dropped her suitcase and
hugged her, and held on tight. And held on tight to her dad, each of her
siblings, and her grandparents as well. She was so happy to be home.
That night, Hermana reported her mission to the Stake High
Council. And she was released. As she walked out of that room, she tearfully
pulled the name tag from her coat and stumbled through her tears. She was so
sad to not be a missionary anymore.
Hermana worked hard as a missionary. And she says that every
time she looks at us with our scuffs and worn-down soles that she remembers the
many wonderful experiences that she had as a missionary. And we are so grateful
to have been able to be a part of her mission.
Yesterday was kind of a rough day...but today I feel so much peace. I spent a good chunk of time in the temple, and came out knowing that everything would be okay. I couldn't be much happier right now. I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ! I am so grateful for temples! And without a loving Heavenly Father, I don't know where I would be. Life is so much better with the Gospel!
Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck somewhere between a rock and a hard place. Like right now. It's my last semester at BYU-Idaho (as much as I don't want to admit that...). I've got another roommate who's graduating this semester as well. We were both super excited, looking forward to the semester and going out with a bang. Neither of us...well...none of my roommates...were expecting that drama would ensue. And it's hurting the whole apartment. We've got one roommate who struggles with the curfew that we have here. She doesn't take it seriously. We've brought it up, in as loving a way as she lets us get out, and have tried to help her see that there really are serious consequences that come from not following the Honor Code. Things have only spiraled downward the past few days, to the point that the five of us who are super close have no idea how to help our roommate. We all felt that she needed to live with us. Now, we're trying to see why. We know there is a reason. And we want to help her. We're just tired of being shut down...and having her lie to our faces. It hurts. A lot. Actually, there's not much that hurts more than having your trust betrayed by someone. And, quite frankly, there's not many things that are harder to get back than trust when it has been lost. We are all praying to know how we can help her...but if anyone has any suggestions, they would be greatly appreciated.
This can't be possible! Seriously...where have the past 10 months gone?? Looking back in my calendar...10 months ago today was Fast Sunday in January...my last as a missionary. That is so crazy to believe. In just a couple of weeks, I'll hit 10 months of being home. Has it really been that long? It doesn't seem like it at all. What's even crazier is that 6 weeks from today I'll see the first sister I trained down in El Paso. That's right...Hermana Jardine is coming home. I'm excited to see her again, but my heart is breaking at the thought of her leaving the mission. She's been such an amazing missionary, and I look up to her so much! She hasn't had it easy, but she's stayed positive through it all. It will be good to be able to talk to her again. Her birthday's this week...she's in my thoughts :)
I've got so much going on right now with school and work and everything. My life is crazy...be glad it's not yours. Don't get me wrong...I'm grateful for every single experience I'm having. But it's nuts! Yesterday at work, one of the guys I work with (but haven't worked with all summer long) asked me what I've been up to. I responded with something along the lines of "my life is super crazy right now and getting crazier." To which he said, "What's his name?" When I told him that I don't have a boyfriend, he felt super awkward. I thought it was funny. Ha! I don't even have time to sleep right now...who has time for a boy? Not me!
We just came out of an amazing Conference Weekend. I always love General Conference. I come out of it feeling so uplifted and happy about everything. I have a few new goals for the next six months that will help me along in my life.
We found our Happily Ever After in July 2012 when we married, just 6 months after we met and will use this blog to document our many wonderful adventures in our lives together with our new son, born June 2013