Saturday, February 28, 2009

Fed Up

Well, I went Latin Dancing again last night. And guess what? It sucked... again! We were up there in time for the lesson, and the guy I danced with for that mostly knew what he was doing, so that was fun. I was all pumped and ready for a night of fun. And then the actual dance started. And I just stood there dancing by myself. Shaina was asked to dance over and over. And I just stood there dancing by myself. I tried to not let it get to me, but that wasn't easy. No, it wasn't easy at all. I'm so sick and tired of playing this game! Eventually, around 11:00, Kyle came over and was like, "You can't dance by yourself! Why are you dancing alone?" I told him, "'Cause the boys are stupid." He basically ignored that comment, and pulled me onto the dance floor. That was fun. But after that, I'd had it. I couldn't stand there alone anymore, so I left. I went to our sisters' apartment because they had a million people over and that was definitely a better alternative to coming home by myself. Shilo asked me if I had a good time (he's one of the guys who asked me last week what was wrong) and I told him that it was even worse than last week. I'm just so fed up with this! I don't understand why my dating life has to be this way. Or lack of dating life would be a better way to put it. Because honestly, the last date I went on was a joke. Big time. That's not the dating memory I want to take with me on my mission, but with the way my life is, it's looking more and more like that's what it's going to be. I say that it doesn't bother me that I don't get asked on dates or even to dance when I go... but it does. It hurts so much! I just... I don't know. I'd just like to know what it's like to have a guy show a little bit of interest in me. I just want to go on a date. Is that so much to ask? Really, I'm not very high maintenance. A date doesn't have to be expensive for me to have a good time. I'd be totally fine doing something that doesn't cost any money at all! I don't think that guys understand how bad it hurts when girls don't get asked out... especially if we show interest. That just scares the guys away, which hurts worse. To make matters worse and complicate things, there's a guy I'm starting to like. We're pretty good friends, and he spends a fair amount of time over here. In the past week, I've started to like him. What is my problem?! I haven't liked anyone since I got over the last jerk 4 months ago. I decided to go on a mission and I was fine that I wasn't dating. Now, I start my papers in 3 days and I really like this guy. Of course none of my roommates know. I don't really want people to know. I've been anti-boy for 4 months, I can't suddenly start wanting to date! This guy is one of our good friends, and the other night he asked us for suggestions of who he should ask out. I wanted to say, "ME!" but bit my lip and kept quiet. That would have been awkward. I was texting Jill last night complaining about how lame dancing was and was like, "I just want to go on a real date. You know how last night he was asking for girls he should ask out? I wanted to say, 'me.'" She was like, "I bet he would." I told her she should suggest it to him, so we'll see what happens. Of course, last night we went on a Denny's Run. Or should I say this morning? We left here around 2:30 and got back at 4:30. Anyway, this guy went with us, and rode down in my car. I ended up sitting next to him there too. While we were eating, he was like, "I should find a girl to come on a date at 2:00 in the morning on a Wednesday night." I opened my mouth, and before I could stop myself, the words "I'd come with you. I don't have class until after noon on Thursdays." popped out of my mouth. Oops. That shouldn't have shot out there. There I go speaking before I think again. I tried to correct it by saying, "You'd need to ask a girl with a car you know." I hope he didn't catch on that I like him. That would be awkward. But really, I'd love to go on a date with him, and at 2:00 in the morning breaking the rules, it would just be that much more fun, would it not?

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

I've Been Better

So I haven't exactly felt the best all week. I'm not feeling 100% healthy. I'm going to blame it on stress... but I haven't been that stressed. Well, I guess it depends on what kind of stressed. I'm not really all that stressed about school and the like. I'm basically just going along with the flow. Actually, I've been really out of it education wise this semester. I'm doing what I need to do to get by... in most of my classes. I kinda skim my World Civ. book, but I hate that class with a royal passion. My education major-ness isn't a good thing in that class because all I do for the entire class is critique the teacher... and they're not good critiques. I find all the bad things that I don't like about the way he teaches and sit there and go over in my mind what I'd do to make the class better. Believe me, there's a lot. I haven't found very many things that I do like about him as a teacher, and the fact that it's in a class that I dont' particularly enjoy it only makes it worse. I've given up on doing the reading for my Science Methods class, but hey, Brother Christman said that we don't need to do the reading to succeed so that's his fault that my book basically sits unused on my bedroom floor. How hard is it to succeed in choir? Honestly, show up and you get the grade. That's my chill-out hour. Then it's on to Exceptional Students. I really love that class! Not only is Sister Anderson an amazing teacher, she is so passionate and knowledgeable about what she teaches! We have the best class discussions every day, and I find that because of my experience at Options in high school I can really contribute some good insights during those discussions. I always get my reading and such done for that class, but I find it so interesting and not tedious at all! My Art Methods class is good, but has so much busy work! I personally find the art projects that we have to do a waste of time. The past few weeks haven't been too bad, but honestly, we're in college and have so much that we could be doing other than doing elementary school level art projects. My roommates are jealous of them, and I'd be more than willing to let them do my homework. But when I tell them so, they refuse. Whatever. I absolutely LOVE my Mission Prep class! Brother Wahlquist is amazing, and I am learning so much about the Gospel! That is the perfect way to end my day. I come out of that class feeling so uplifted. I am definitely grateful for that class and realize that it will be so beneficial to me when I go out into the mission field and am trying to teach investigators. It's not that i don't know how to teach, because I know that I can teach. That's what I love to do. It's teaching Gospel Principles that I'm not as confident at. Being Gospel Doctrine teacher this year has been so good for me because I've had that experience teaching Gospel Principles and teaching with the Spirit in my classes, so I kind of a little bit know what to expect... though Gospel Doctrine will be completely different than my mission will be. I mean, when I teach now, I have a class full of RMs and other people who have been members of the church their whole lives, or at least long enough to know what they're talking about. On my mission, the people I'll teach will have little or no experience. And I'm all but done with my Social Studies Methods class. I've got to tweak my "Museumfest" project and do like 4 chapters of reading and journals, but other than that I'm done. I just have to show up to class. I can handle that. So see, I'm not really stressed with school. Okay, midterm was last week, which probably added a bit of stress, but the major stress-out this semester was a few weeks ago when I was working on my project for Social Studies.

I think the real cause of my stress, and therefore not feeling so good, right now is the fact that I'm starting my mission papers in 6 days. Don't get me wrong, I'm so excited to get everything going and go on a mission. I know that it's what I'm supposed to do. So why am I so dang nervous? Probably because I don't know what to expect. In 2 months I'll know where I'm going and when I'm leaving, but until then the course of my life for the next 2 years will be unknown. That is somewhat frustrating for me because I really like having everything planned out well in advance. Of course, if I think I'm a mess now, I don't want to see what I'll be like next Tuesday. I'm starting to have similar feelings to those I had back in November when I first felt that I need to serve a mission. I was a wreck! But I know that great blessings will come from doing what I know the Lord needs and wants me to do.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Getting Ready

Well, today I talked to Bishop Rossiter about starting my mission papers next week. I have an appointment, well, I talked to the executive secretary about getting an appointment, for next Tuesday night. So, as it now stands, I'll be starting my mission papers on Tuesday, March 3. Here we go! This is so crazy and hard to believe. Not even 4 months ago, I wasn't going to go on a mission and here I am starting my papers. I'm scared. That's the honest truth. But I'm so excited because I know that it is right. I know that the Lord needs me to serve Him on a mission. I will go out there, wherever I am called, and do my best work to help bring my brothers and sisters into the Gospel.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

I don't get it

Why is it that whenever I spend any time trying to make myself look really cute to go dancing and feel so good about myself that no one ever asks me to dance? I went Latin Dancing tonight... and it SUCKED! I was really looking forward to tonight because I missed it last week since I was in Idaho Falls, but I would have had a better time if I'd stayed home and done my history homework... and that's saying something because I really don't like my history class. I guess I'm just super fed up with anything and everything dealing with boys in my life. I mean, the last date I went on was a total flop thanks to a boy who showed up 2 hours late, couldn't dance to save his life, and left an hour early. Country dancing is horrible. Latin Dancing tonight made me want to cry. If something in my life doesn't change soon, I'm going to come home from my mission and want nothing to do with boys because they're all so stupid now! Is it so much to ask that I'm able to just go have a good time with several boys and maybe go on a couple of fun dates before I leave on my mission so I can take a good experience with me and not be dreading coming home and putting myself back into the dating scene? Yeah, I've pretty well turned myself off when it comes to liking boys because I know that I need to serve a mission and don't want to let myself get attached to someone who wants nothing to do with me... as has been the case with every boy I've liked forever. But that doesn't mean that I don't want to go out and have fun with boys! I know there are some decent boys out there. For example, I changed my status on facebook when I got home to say that I had a crappy night. 2 boys who I'm not really even all that close to popped on chat and asked me if I was okay. That meant a lot to me and kinda cheered me up. But still... why do things have to be this way? I get that I'm supposed to go on a mission. I'm going to go on a mission. I'll be starting my papers in a week, and once I set my mind to something, I don't easily back out. So why can't things change in the dating department of my life?

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The Craziness that is My Life

My life has been crazy for the past few weeks. Absolutely insane would probably be a better way to put it. I got my project done that I was so stressed about last time I posted and presented it yesterday. It was a hit! All that stress and tears paid off. I'm still going to tweak it for the "MuseumFest" on the last day of class, but I've got 6 weeks to get it done so I've got plenty of time.

Last Monday was Kesha's Valentine's concert, so I drove home and surprised her. They sang "The Cuckoo" so I was able to go up on stage and sing with her. Driving back up here on Tuesday was scary though. It was snowing and the roads were icy and it took me almost an hour to get here. On Friday I skipped classes (okay, so only choir. I went to World Civ. and the rest were cancelled) so I could go down to IF and work at City Floral for V-day. Boy was that crazy! I worked almost 13 hours between Friday and Saturday. Saturday night I went out to Anderson's for the branch V-day party. I think that's when it really hit me how soon I'll be leaving on my mission and am going to have to say goodbye to all of my friends and such. On Sunday after church, we went down to Grandma's in Utah. Monday morning we drove down to Draper so we could go through the temple open house. That's the second one I've been to in the past year. I love going in the temple. Even in an undedicated temple there is a Spirit you don't feel anywhere else. However, considering that I'll likely have my mission call in 2 months, I'll be able to go through the temple soon. Man, that's a crazy thought.

Yesterday for our devotional, the guy who is in charge of the campus construction projects talked about the MC and Auditorium projects. I'm not going to recognize this place when I get home! There have been about a million changes made in the past 3 years that I've been here, but over the next 18 months it's gonna be crazy! All of the construction will be done when I get home from my mission in less than 2 years. Holy Moly! It'll be way nice though!

Last night I had my endorsement interview with Bishop Rossiter. While I was in there, I talked to him about starting my papers because I want to submit them through my home ward since that's where I'll be leaving from. He said that he can start my papers up here then transfer my records home for my final interview with the Bishop and Stake President. That will work out perfectly, because by the time I can submit my papers on April 1, we'll be done with church up here since school gets out on April 9 and we've got General Conference in there. I'm actually down to 11 days until I can start on my papers. I'm way excited... but kinda nervous becuase I don't know what to expect. All I know is that the Lord is in control and knows what He's doing. As long as I put my faith in Him, everything will be fine.

So as much as I really don't want to, I've got to get some homework done tonight. I have a couple things I've got to have done for tomorrow. I'd really rather just go to bed, but I can sleep in in the morning because I don't have my practicum anymore (which actually makes me sad because I won't be back in a classroom until after my mission). I've got my interview with Sister Hovey at 11:30, but I had to be to the school by 10. Heck, I can sleep in until 10 in the morning! That will be amazing! And so totally needed. I'll usually use that time for homework, but I've had a hard block and deserve a little time to sleep, right?

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Peace Really Can Come

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Everything really does depend on your attitude. Now, Friday really was a bad day. Jill and I went to WalMart to get some groceries, and I pretty much complained the whole time. When we got home, she told me that I wasn't allowed to work on my project any more that night. I was like, "Jill, you don't understand. I can't NOT work on it. I've got too much to do and don't have any ideas yet." I was pretty much in tears. Jill told me that I needed to go on a walk or a drive, somewhere I can be by myself for a while and just think about things. I said that I had too much to do. She basically said, "Kira, you're not going to get anything done if you're like this. Take a while and go cool down." I sad here for a minute and then admitted that I should go have our brothers give me a blessing so I would be able to calm down and focus and get ideas. I walked over there in tears. Kyle answered the door and I told him that I needed a blessing, and explained everything that's been going on. He went and changed into a shirt and tie and combed his hair. I admire that. When a Priesthood holder changes his clothes before he gives someone a blessing, I feel that it shows a great deal of respect for the Priesthood they hold and the Lord who they speak for. I immediately felt peace. When I left his apartment, I wandered around for a while, and ended up at the Taylor playing the piano. The hymnbook on the piano was opened to the hymn, "Did You Think to Pray?" I started to play it and felt so much peace. After I got home, I forced myself to eat a little something, but wasn't really hungry because I was feeling so stressed. We went Latin Dancing again, and had a great time. When I saw Kyle there, he asked me how I was feeling, and I honestly told him that I was feeling much better because I'd gone off and played the piano after i left his place and allowed myself to cool down. I came home and went to bed and slept in until almost 10:00 yesterday morning. It was the best night's sleep I've had in a long time because I usually stay up thinking about some project or another. I got up and ate breakfast. Spencer called Jill, but she was studying for her Anat. & Phys. test, so she had me talk to him. We talked for about 10 minutes. After we got off the phone I showered and got dressed. I didn't really do my hair other than pulling my bangs completely back and putting it in a pony tail. I didn't do any makeup yesterday. I just didn't care. I sat down and prepared my Gospel Doctrine lesson--which turned out so good. The Spirit was so strong. I am so grateful for my calling because I've learned so much and feel the Spirit so often during class. After I finished my lesson, I started looking up things I could do for my project, and the ideas started flowing. I had more ideas come to my mind than I knew what to do with. Once I had everything figured out, we went to Porter's and Brolums to get things so I could get started. I came home and worked for 7 hours. Including the time I spent planning and getting the supplies, I spent 9-10 hours on the project yesterday. I kept having ideas of how I could improve what I was workign on come to my mind. And I didn't want to stop to go to bed, and I sorta wish that today weren't Sunday so I could be working on it. But I'm not going to compromise my standards to work on that project today. I've put it away and will pick it back up tomorrow after class. But I know that I'll be better off for putting it aside today and enjoying my Sabbath Day.

Friday, February 6, 2009


So it's Friday. The end of the week, the start of the weekend. But it has been such a MONDAY and I can hardly stand it! The day started out fine. I actually got out of bed after snoozing my alarm only twice, my hair worked, I was wearing my favorite jeans, I looked cute, I had time for a good breakfast, not to mention that it's Friday. What could get better than that? Then I opened the door. There was a skiff of snow on the ground. I don't care so much about the snow. It was only to be expected. It's February in Idaho for crying out loud! But it was just enough snow to cover the ice in the parking lot and I wasn't exactly wearing practical shoes, because after all, I was feeling cute this morning. I cautiously made it across the parking lot and across the street and headed on up to the Ricks for World Civ. Well, no more than five minutes after I left my apartment I stepped on a rock. Just a little one though. Yes, the rock is fine in case you were wondering. I, on the other hand, am not fine. No, I didn't get hurt. But I did trip and fall. And of course the sidewalk is covered with MUD. Did I mention that I was wearing my favorite jeans and that I just did laundry? So they were covered in mud. But if I went home to change I would have been late to class... not that I wanted to go anyway. I went to class and sat there trying to rub the muck off my legs, and mostly succeeded so I didn't have to come home and change after class got out and could go sit and study for the Special Ed Law Exam I had today. When i got out of choir, it was snowing, but with the size of the flakes and the way the wind was blowing it felt like hail. I had more than one flake fly into my eye while I was hurrying back to the Hinckley. I had studied for my test and felt totally fine about it. I'll find out next week how I did. I got done with my test and headed down to my art methods lab. The lab was already open so I was able to go in and get to work. I actually finished my project today, thank goodness, and had my camera with me so I could take a picture of that and the mask I finished last week so they could go in my portfolio. But of course BOTH sets of batteries were dead. So I'm going to have to remember to take my camera with me again next week and make another trip to get the pictures developed. After I got out of that class, I had to go to the library to work on a presentation with a group. We're starting our presentation next Thursday and have three days. Although I'll be COMPLETELY done with the class except for showing up after February 19, I am so extremely stressed right now. Three of the girls in my group are totally fine to work with. But the other one... she drives me CRAZY! She is such a perfectionist and is so meticulous about everything. I can't take it! We accomplished less in the 2 1/2 hours we were at the library than I will get done in at most an hour tonight on my own. So the plan for this weekend is to: a) hope that the rest of the weekend isn't a Monday, b) go have some fun tonight because there will be NO fun for me tomorrow, c) get the project done and d) prepare my Gospel Doctrine lesson so I can come home from church on Sunday and crash before my week starts all over again.