Sunday, May 31, 2009

One Month

Gee. It's hard to believe that 2 months ago I was waiting for my mission call. It was 2 months ago today that my papers went in. It really doesn't seem like it's been that long. I've been thinking a lot today. Reflecting is more like it. As I look back on the past 7 months, and yes it has only been 7 months, my life has turned and is going in a completely different direction than I was planning. I still remember very clearly the weekend that I had the prompting that I need to go on a mission. It was that weekend that I completely turned my life over to my Heavenly Father and came to the realization that His hand is in my life and He knows what is best for me and will lead me where He needs me to go. My mind has turned to the hymn "I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go" a lot over the past months.

It may not be on the mountain’s height, or over the stormy sea;
It may not be at the battle’s front my Lord will have need of me;
But if by a still, small voice He calls to paths I do not know,
I’ll answer, dear Lord, with my hand in thine,
I’ll go where You want me to go.

I’ll go where You want me to go, dear Lord,
O’er mountain, or plain, or sea;
I’ll say what You want me to say, dear Lord,
I’ll be what You want me to be.

Perhaps today there are loving words which Jesus would have me speak;
There may be now, in the paths of sin, some wand’rer whom I should seek.
O Savior, if thou wilt be my Guide, though dark and rugged the way,
My voice shall echo the message sweet,
I’ll say what You want me to say.

I’ll go where You want me to go, dear Lord,
O’er mountain, or plain, or sea;
I’ll say what You want me to say, dear Lord,
I’ll be what You want me to be.

There’s surely somewhere a lowly place in earth’s harvest fields so wide,
Where I may labor through life’s short day for Jesus, the Crucified.
So, trusting my all to thy care, and knowing thou lovest me!
I’ll do thy will with a heart sincere,
I’ll be what You want me to be.

I’ll go where You want me to go, dear Lord,
O’er mountain, or plain, or sea;
I’ll say what You want me to say, dear Lord,
I’ll be what You want me to be.

Right after I decided to go on a mission this was our opening hymn in devotional, and you can ask any one of my roommates. My "water-proof" mascara did nothing for me because I was bawling so hard. This song really speaks to my heart. And I know that I'm going where the Lord wants me to go. I don't know why, but I do believe there is a reason, and by the time I come home I will know what that reason is.

It's so crazy to think that I really am leaving. I looked at the registration schedule for school, and if I were going to be here in the fall, I would be registering tomorrow night. Registering for my last semester. That's what all of my friends are doing over the next few days. It kinda makes me sad that I won't be there with all of the girls I've had classes with for the past three years. Don't get me wrong, I am way excited about my mission. But I've made a lot of friends in my classes, and, well, I'm not going to know anyone when I come back. Oh well. A whole new adventure making new friends, right?

But back to the title of this post... I leave in one month. 30 days. That is such a short time. It has really hit me how little time I have left with my family. We had fast and testimony meeting today because our Stake Conference is next weekend, and this was the last one before I leave. Mom got up and bore her testimony and I bawled. I love my family so much. I probably haven't shown it for the past few years, but since i moved home from school i haven't really wanted to do anything with anyone besides my family. In the past I've jumped at every opportunity to go out with friends or call them on the phone. Now, I'm pretty much avoiding them. I just want to spend time with my family, make all the memories I can before I leave.

There's so much that I want to do before I leave. Stupid as this may sound, I want to go to the Zoo. I want to play in the pool. I want to help in the garden. I want to play with the puppy (but I don't think he likes me). I have a whole list of movies to watch and games to play and food to eat. But mostly I just want to do things that involve my family. This month is going to go fast. Before I know it, it will be my farewell, then my birthday, and then I'll be gone.

But from what I'm told, my mission will go way too fast. And I believe it. All of the guys I knew in high school are coming home. Heck, one of my first roommates should be home any time. I can't believe it's already been a year and a half or two years. They're already coming home? What?!? Where has the time gone? And I'm sure that 19 months from now, I'll be asking the same question.

1 comment:

  1. One thing I have learned, the older I get the faster time goes. Yesterday was so fun. It was good being with family. Bear is a hoot. Love you!

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